Twenty-one years ago we bought our house. \u00a0Took possession in late October. \u00a0Twenty-one years ago tonight we observed our first New Year’s Eve.<\/p>\n
The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while Larry slept on the couch and I watched a movie with Bette Midler and Richard Dreyfus, something about a mall? \u00a0When suddenly there came a knock at the door: \u00a0bang, bang, bang.<\/p>\n
“Larry! \u00a0Wake up, someone’s at the door!”<\/p>\n
Larry jumped off the couch and ran straight to the window furthest from the door.<\/p>\n
“Lar, the door is over there,” \u00a0I pointed impatiently, irritated that he should be asleep with someone at our door in the middle of the night.<\/p>\n
He staggered back to the middle of the living room. \u00a0Then he asked, “What time is it?”<\/p>\n
“Midnight,” I answered.<\/p>\n
He visibly relaxed and said, “Don’t worry about it, it’s just the Fourth of July.”<\/p>\n
I was not reassured. “LARRY, someone was knocking at the door, WAKE UP.”<\/p>\n
“No one is at the door,” he explained patiently. \u00a0“What you hear is automatic gun fire.”<\/p>\n
I was even less reassured. \u00a0“Excuse me?”<\/p>\n
“It’s midnight, New Year, people are shooting their guns in celebration.”<\/p>\n
Well, of course, silly me. \u00a0Larry went back to the couch and I hoisted my eight month pregnant self up the stairs to check on my babies. \u00a0Specifically, to be sure no bullets had come falling through the roof. \u00a0None had.<\/p>\n
Over the years we have devised some customs to survive the ringing in of the new year by amateur soldiers and their very real weapons.<\/p>\n
As other families watch the ball descend in Time Square, my children are “assuming the position” off the furniture and onto the floor. To be below the windows. \u00a0Just in case.<\/p>\n
We try not to go out on New Year’s Eve. \u00a0It can take a while for our neighbors to exhaust their interest and ammunition\u00a0and we don’t want to be driving back into the neighborhood before they do.<\/p>\n
For the same reason we rarely invite anyone over on New Year’s Eve. \u00a0An invitation must carry the caveat of either a planned early departure, say before 11:45pm, or a commitment to stick around till 1am. \u00a0We have entertained a few friends over the years, no one more than once.<\/p>\n
I have a very serious attitude toward guns. \u00a0I wouldn’t say I have a respect for guns, more like an extreme fear. \u00a0I was very intentional and scary when it came to teaching my children about them. \u00a0Always<\/em><\/strong> assume they are loaded. \u00a0Never<\/em><\/strong> point one at anything you don’t intend to kill. \u00a0If your friend, or cousin, should pull out a gun at their home run immediately<\/em><\/strong> to the nearest adult.<\/p>\n Just about a year ago I actually handled a gun. \u00a0At a firing range. \u00a0Shot it and everything.<\/p>\n You would think with my unhealthy fear I would have been a model of safety.<\/p>\n Not so much.<\/p>\n The trigger wasn’t working and so I turned the gun to look at it and when I did I pulled the trigger and it went off, cutting across the shooting range, rather than toward the targets.<\/p>\n And I was sober.<\/p>\n Consequently, I don’t trust my “celebrating” neighbors one bit. \u00a0Not even a little.<\/p>\n So we observe a quiet New Year’s Eve at home.<\/p>\n On this, our twenty-first, New Year’s Eve in our home, I was reading on the loveseat. \u00a0Larry was sleeping on the couch. \u00a0I had just pulled out my phone to text “Happy New Year” to my folks and kids, when…<\/p>\n Bang, Bang, Bang!<\/p>\n The dog barked and rushed to the window. \u00a0Larry startled awake and said, “Someone’s knocking at the door!”<\/p>\n “No dear,” \u00a0I calmly replied. \u00a0“It’s just midnight. \u00a0Happy New Year.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Twenty-one years ago we bought our house. \u00a0Took possession in late October. \u00a0Twenty-one years ago tonight we observed our first New Year’s Eve.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-992","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2O0qX-g0","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.choosingcomedy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/992","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.choosingcomedy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.choosingcomedy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.choosingcomedy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.choosingcomedy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=992"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.choosingcomedy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/992\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.choosingcomedy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=992"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.choosingcomedy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=992"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.choosingcomedy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=992"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}