If I Should Die Before I Wake…

Recognize that phrase?  It’s part of a children’s prayer…

If I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

I just went grocery shopping and purchased my “last supper”.  A truly bizarre combination of things that taste good to me right now.  Not much of it is food.

Multi-grain scoop chips with Mexicali dip.  Had this Saturday night with friends and it tasted like more!  Then my favorite cookies- Lofthouse, the big soft cookies with frosting?  Yeah, lemon flavor.  (Not much food there.)  And finally ice cream sandwhiches- neopolitan, only because there weren’t any mint chip.

And there you go, my incredibly lame choices for my last foods before I undergo a clear liquid fast Tuesday for some minor surgery Wednesday.

So much for last supper, any last words?  Besides, *urp*?

What would I want to say if I knew it would be my last chance?

To my family: it might be better if you didn’t read my journals.  Many of them are my side of conversations between me and God.  They can resemble the psalms, lots of emotion, but somehow the psalms are easier to take because you don’t actually know the people involved.  So you can just identify with the emotion rather than wondering, What did she mean by that?

That said, what would I really want you to know?

I love you.

I say that.  A lot.  Some people may overhear me saying that and wonder if I really mean it, or if it is more like the greating:  “How are you?”  “Fine thanks, you?”

Love you.

Nope.  If I said it, I meant it.  I say it a lot so on the chance they are my last words to you, well, you will remember me saying it and maybe will still be able to hear it in your head for a while.  That’s a tape worth playing over and over.

I love you.

And the only other thing worth saying is this…

God loves you.  A whole lot better than I do.

That whole Bible thing?  Jesus?  Forgiveness?

Yeah, I buy it, hook, line and sinker.

It’s true.  It really is.

If you believe that, then may I say to you: please live it.  Please follow in Jesus’ footsteps, loving God and loving people.  That’s how you will be known to be a follower of Jesus, by your love.  Do what is right without giving way to fear.

If you are skeptical let me say this: talk to God.  Seriously.  Talk to him.  And the folks you know who profess to follow Jesus?  Well, don’t throw God out with the bath water.  We followers can be pretty lame, frequently, about living what we believe to be true.  For a lot of reasons.

Doesn’t change what is true.

And this is what’s true…

I love you.

God loves you more.


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4 thoughts on “If I Should Die Before I Wake…

  1. Terri

    Amen. I love you, too. It’s one of the first things I remember about you when I became part of your family (before I even married into it!) – that you said, “I love you, ” freely….not unmeaningfully (?), but frequently! (That and you asking me, “so, what do you love about Pat?” – hehehe)

  2. Polly

    I love you too!

  3. Dropping in to see if I’ve missed anything by you lately…. Appreciate these messages. Chuckled at the “don’t read my journals part.” To that, I might add, “Cremate them with my body!!!” Also, the graceful encouragement to pursue God and the assurance of his love. People in our world need to know that He is worth all the angst to turn back, again and again, to his persistent voice calling out to us. You definitely reflect his graceful nature in your manner – which should help those hearing that message from you – here or in person.

  4. Jessica

    Well, I’m not family, in a physical sense, but I love you. You have this quiet sweet peaceful way of loving those around you. You love with your eyes, and your words, your time, and your hugs. I appreciate you. You are wonderful, all around.

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